Having A Baby Congrats

“Hey Greg, I thought I’d find you here.”

“Oh hey Xylorp, how’s it going?” Greg asked, shaking himself dry and flushing the urinal.

“I’m okay, buddy,” the seven foot three-inch-tall glowing green regional director of sales said, sheepishly fiddling with his necktie. “How are you feeling, you okay?”

“Yeah, man, I’m good, I’ve just been pissing a lot for some reason this week.”

“Yeaaahhhh, I noticed you’ve been going to the bathroom a lot,” Xylorp sighed.

“Don’t worry, I’m still making my numbers, boss! Just moved another thousand units to Omaha Prime, two weeks ahead of schedule.”

“That’s great, Greg! Although I wasn’t worried about your sales – “

“Awesome! Because I also feel like I might be coming down with a stomach thing. I just feel like weirdly nauseous.”

“Shit, Greg, there’s something I’ve got to tell you – “

“Do you think it was that pasta salad Cheryl brought in? It was probably sitting out all day, but it smelled okay.”

“Greg, do you remember a few weeks ago, when you sat in that puddle of blueberry yogurt at lunch?”

“Now that definitely smelled weird.”

“Well you see, Greg, that was my chair, and that wasn’t really blueberry yogurt.”

“What else could it have been?”

Xylorp paused, rubbing his antennaed forehead. “See, Janet from accounting had brought in an artichoke for lunch that day, and artichokes look a lot like a certain female body part on my home planet, I mean like a lot, and Greg, it’s been so long since I’ve seen a female of my species, let alone that part. And then Janet started licking and biting and sucking the leaves . . .” Xylorp shuddered. “I was getting some paper towels to clean it up but you sat down and it was too late and well, I’ve been modified to colonize, so – “

Xylorp handed Greg this “You’re Having a Fucking Baby?!!” card. “Our company has great maternity benefits, Greg,” he reassured him as Greg passed out on the bathroom floor in shock.

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Having A Baby Congrats

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