THE LAB

Holy Shit Birthday Pink

  • Category: Birthday
  • Creation Date: Jun 25, 2020

The Origin Story

Mother Mary Bernadette took her seat on the long wooden bench in the cavernous stone hall. She gently smoothed the tunic of her habit, remembering the vow she recited this morning and every morning when putting on the tunic: O Lord, clothe me in the nuptial robe of charity, purity, and virginity, that I may one day stand before your throne of judgment.

A peaceful smile crossed her lips as she silently tucked into her bowl of plain boiled oats. Sisters surrounded her – Sister Mary Margaret to the left, Sister Mary Stephen to the right, Sister Theresa Marie directly across, and many more surrounding them, the hall filled with sisters tucking into identical breakfasts in cloistered devoted silence.

The warm grains brought a soft pink flush to the apples of Mother Mary Bernadette’s cheeks. And yet, she felt a worm of sadness crawling in her belly. She felt ashamed, that she should feel grateful to be doing the Lord’s work in her blessed calling. But she had been awake for hours, through vigils and lauds and Holy Mass, and not one other nun remembered it was her birthday.

The sinful worm of sadness was joined by the righteous heavy calling of a healthy bowel. Mother Mary Bernadette crossed herself, rose, and quietly hurried back to her private quarters to deliver her morning offering to the Lord. Opening the door to her water closet, she farted in surprised pious joy as she glanced this “Holy Shit – It’s Your Birthday!” card standing plain and tall upon the tank of her porcelain throne.

“We know how much you delight in your daily movements, Mother!” whispered Sister Mary Mildred with the rest of the sisters behind her, all gagging in the joyous stench.

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THE LAB

Holy Shit Birthday Pink

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